Saturday 17th November 2012, my plan to sleep in and wake up in the afternoon fail big time. Interrupted by the sudden power trip and since I was left with Bapak at home(mom and kakak went to my brother's place last night for a weekend gateway )Bapak being himself start being dramatic , asking me to inspect the whole house for the cause of the trip. There I was at exactly 7 in the morning, with a slightly heavy headed due to my last night blogging extravaganza (which I slept at around 3am). After an hour playing detective, I found the cause. The power point for the TV access in the living room was the actual reason. So we decided not to use the power point till my brother the electrician and the network expert to check and revert the issues. No need explain to further, the electric back to normal. This house need an extreme overhaul, something that in the pipeline. Major rebuilding, it's been 28 years. A new change is in a tall order for this house. Something I pray almost everyday that Allah will give me the ease and access to fulfill this dream of mine. A bucket list of mine. A hope to give bapak and mak a taste in ease and maybe experience luxury.
Meanwhile, bapak left me all alone at home while he then follow suits to join mak and kakak for a short road trip to my sister's in law parents house somewhere at a not so remote rural of Kota Samarahan. I decided to make use of the early morning to do some house cleaning, doing dishes, doing laundry and since I'm hungry. I've cooked myself a brunch (just noodle soup), since my Iphone keep on beeping since 9am , alerting me with work emails (Oh I hate working and receiving emails in the weekend) I did what I have to do: WORKING.
After Dzuhur solah, I now have the time on my own. So I decided to update my blog for today. Actually, while watching Food network Asia in HD. I don't really get the idea of the HD part, because it doesn't make any different. Probably I've been spoiled by HD TV for the last 3 years. My eyes couldn't make a different anymore. Signs of ageing? Ekkk!!
I am quite tempted to rant about what happened to me a few months back that makes me a different person now ,and how now I do have a new perception and understanding of friendships and enemies.
Here you go...
Almost a year ago, I was introduced to a colleague from HQ KL, a big "fat" LGBT (I swear I was trying to describe him or whom now I prefer to call it 'it" in a more loving way possible) but yeah, a blind dog can sniff him from miles away on how campy gay 'it' is.
Anyway, a friend once told me. LGBTs when they meet for the 1st time, it's either end up as friends or sworn enemies and some lovers (ok, color me lesbian!)Being myself which I blamed solely on to me, I'm not judgmental(at least not to my own kind) so 'it' and I become friends (1st, for the record you can yada yada yada...about the stereotype rules of colleagues becomes friends shits to me later...) For a year I was a devoted friend to 'it' and I have nothing but love and respect to 'it'. 'It' introduced me to life beyond work, social responsibility and corporate affairs(that was I thought at first too) and I learned so much . So as a friend to 'it' and being myself the drama queen that no one can deny. Being myself,I am not afraid to speak my mind. I was loud, comical and sexual. I don't hide my personality and I don't pretend to be holy and righteous. I am and always be a dirty foul mouthed bitch that everyone's loves or hates . That IS me. Then,I started to share my problems with 'it'(mostly relationships issues with my now boyfriend, ok this will be updated in the next blog. Yes I'm not single, and yes like any other long distant relationship. It's fucking TOUGH. I'll rant on these soon. I promise xx)
I can't remember whether I was a bit over the top when I'm sharing these with 'it' and on my defends. I was the drama queen, and of course is all about me (bad Neyna!) We have some mutual friends and one of them was this another 'it' (we're basically rivals since the day we first met , because of our similar interest on chubby boys) and they're like best friends. I mean seriously like those mean teen drama girls groupies you either hate or love . To add some sugar to the spice.
They've been talking shits about ME , I mean MAJOR shits about me and here's the drill. They would be 'sharing' these with my boyfriend and check this out.
On DAILY fucking basis. How pathetic is that. They even have a special 'Whatsapp Group " dedicated to diss me on daily basis, their legion of members increased and those innocent bystanders that don't know me in person would eventually have this idea of how diluted I am. I was called very descriptive names, a whore ,cheap sluts, ugly overweight ladyboy . I was called delusional of the grander on my self obsessions of labels (so what???) for a year, the 'it' and their gang doing this and my boyfriend will be the one their targeting . Probably because they want us to be separated and mind the other chubby chaser 'it' that I told you earlier obviously attracted to my cute adorable chubby manly boyfie of mine .
But alas, maybe he loves me so much that he can't stand the bitchy shits these 'it' beings and maybe he was fed-up to see how blinded I was being stabbed repetitiously behind my back. He spill it . Yes , he DID. We literally fight as I was a bit stubborn and refused to believe all these till he shows all the valid facts and proofs that in fact these shits are all TRUE.
I was absolutely bummed and I was disappointed with how childish it was. I wasn't angry or mad by 'it'. I am sadden by these. The 'it's are having some early mid life crisis, taking it on me was immature and pathetic attempt of the.
I REFUSED to be the victim here.
I am not going to look back and regret, it happened for a reason I know.
It was days before Ramadhan. I decided to get answers from the supreme power and the holy month was a blessing indeed . Every day without fail, I pray and Dzikir recites whenever I can. All I want was peace and answers. I actually found the answers that lies within me. I do not need to justify who I am and who I was, the damaged done. Hearts broken to pieces but I decided to heal it on my own, not even my boyfriend can help. I need to help myself to get on my feet. I am now more careful and I must say it was a great lessons. What ever it is. I know myself better, my family knows me better and my real friends knows me so much better.
I DO NOT
need this in my life any more. Ultimately, I'll let these 'it' goes away. Even one day I may encounter them again, I'll walk taller and stronger and slightly ignore and strike a pose.
Let them continuously hates , that's the price of being a Queen bitch.
If years ago Madonna was weak , she will never be where she is now: Supreme and iconic. I'll drink to that !
SO yes readers, that's about it. Mental note to self, as
cliché as these may sounds: keep you friends close, but keep your enemies closer.
