How Fat Am I- July 2007

How Fat Am I? Part 1

Okie..very interesting topic to start my monday, to begin my week. But I've been emotionally and physically argue within myself in regards of weight issues. My personal weight issues. I've been yo-yoing diet ever since i'm 19, and after 10 years. I havent learnt so many things. The society seems to be a bit cruel when it comes to physical appearance. I've been told fatty, chubby and even some says i'm too 'huge' n i shld reconsider being a ladyboy(wht the fuck was that for?) I am surrounded by slim perfect creature( so I thought...) but when I look back, is not abt, being skinny and slim, but being able to personally accepting your body and be comfortable with it. I have to admit, althought I am happy with my body, there comes a time. When I look myself in the mirror with disgust. I always wanted to be slim n fit. Maybe, If i'm slimmer n healthier. I would be more happier.

When you're me, then you know..It' s pretty hard. I've tried so many diet programme available. I even tried Atkin's(no results at all!!) and now, i'm considering, over the counter diet surprasser. I know it's dangerous, but since I have no time for extreme diet, extreme exercise and I'm not super rich enough to have a live-in personal trainer. I'm trying this supposedly working diet pil called Reductile. ( I stop taking those diet pills as it doesnt help me much, so i switched to a better options: diet and exercise)

now let me fully exposed my weight. I'm 97kg which would be 194lb, I'm 5 feet 11. and yes, according to nmy BMI, I am obese(such a dreadful defination of FAT) i'm overweight, and I have to admit, I do feel a bit heavy. I smoke about 7-8 piece of ciggie dail(thats depends on my stress level, If the working pressure is way extreme, I may increase the intake) I dont drink much water daily these days( (I always believe, it makes me feel heavier, and I have this water retention issues) and I'm social alcohol consumer. which makes it more reasons, for my pilling weight these past few months. Back home means, my mom specially would eventually cook some of my favourite soul food(which nothing less than oily and greasy delicious food) Mom especially seems to worry, whenever I decided to eat in smaller portions, she would assume I'm not well or trying to avoid bonding with my family. Which is non related.

I'm worried about my increasing weight. I want to be more slimmer and fit. My measurement on slim would be, at least 25kg lighter than my weight now(within 3 months, that would be a bit crazy, but hell!! I can always try..right) coz, when I saw myself then, when i was slimmer, my face seems to look younger, and my body seems to be more smaller framed . the most important thing would be , how well define my facial structure would be. Very Ai Tominaga (the japanese supermodel, Okie..not that close ..a girl can always dream) it's ridiculous to be putting supermodel as my menthor. But hell, I promised myself. I would NOT starve myself to death. Reductil would help me to decrese my appetite, I would try eating healthily, smaller portion, drinks more water and try to detox myself as much as I could.
so bring it on..