If I Told You That...

The day when I realize that, friendship can sometimes turn into infatuation. Deadly and a dangerous turf for one to venture into it, so please think them over before you are planning to mess around with the sacred of ‘friendship’

The rules of the land : You play with fire and you’ll get burn. A lesson that I am so immune too, but yet I am still prone to these. Why you may ask? Taboo has always been so seductive to me. I always have this silly idea that this is the right kind of wrong. Maybe I've been watching stereotype Hollywood chic-flicks romance too much, you all know the story plots : when friends can be be lovers, or maybe I'm just hopefully romantic always.

I’ve been holding my desires and my lust (no?), and I can’t stop the urge anymore, I don't know if my feelings this time around is genuine enough, or is he just another rebound case of mine. All I can think of, I enjoy every second of my time with him, I feel connected to him: I awaits the time that I would spend with him . We talk, we laugh, we make fun of each other, we bitch about others and we share all the similar interest in musics,movies and tv series. We even finish each other sentence. Very rare for me.
We never seems to be out of topics or lack of anything interesting to share with. I just cannot bare this feeling of anxiety of not knowing how he feels about me and all these just somehow slowly taking over me. I just need to express how I feel now or never...

Being the true believer of honesty as the best policy I am. I confront the certain particular someone of my intention. He was of course, predictably shocked with my then words that coming out from my truly self:
You know how much I admired you, and ' heart' u loads. Now,I like you more than a friend, was wondering if it’s possible that you would share the same exact feelings as mine.
I stare deep into his gorgeous pair of brown hazel eyes.

This intervention was done over a course of our now daily routine of –dinner together- a perfect time for. I have it all plan it out perfectly in my head. I just need to fine the courage to start it first, and now I've done it. Phewwww....!!!

It took while for him to digest (mind the pun) my words, but we all due respects, he looked at me, and with a surprise and almost chill to my bone

“ I like you as a friend, and I don’t see myself with you or anyone else. It’s my nature and I don’t see relationships in the near future”

I would rather lose a love than a friend, that’s what I told him before. I still believe what I said. Friends will love you, no matter how shitty you life can be, how fugly you would end up, and how fat you can be. They will always be there, no matter what.

Before I heard that sort called ‘rejection’ speech from him. I really thought I could have faint or induced in a coma or even getting an early stage stroke, as I watched he uttered each words from him through that : Oh... so beautiful lips of his. I am completely calm. No cold sweats, no fast beating heart beat, no fake migraines and no I want to "kick you hard in your butt" reaction:

I was genuinely cool with his respond. I have this huge heavy weight lifted up off from both my soon to be supermodel shoulders of mine

We continue our most heavy conversations to date, and I wasn’t expecting the level of maturity of this young guy had. He seems to have it all figured out. From the very moment when I first smiled at him and my very first say ‘hi’ to him, to the chemistry that I tried my very best to influence on him, and my obvious special treatments to him. I guess, he can see it coming from my emotionally fragile self. It’s all about sooner or later. I just have to know how he truly feels about me, about us, about everything that we’re doing now.

I really thought it was absolutely going to be disastrous, but I was wrong.

Now I got my answers, I feel relief. It wasn’t too late for me to move on with my life. But I am so much glad that we have a mutual understanding in every sense. I just have to keep my distance and careful not to fall in that unwanted emotional pit. I adore his companion, and I admire him so much that it sometimes hurt me the most, when I know I cannot have him. No matter how much I want him. We can only be friends.

Rejection is the best aphrodisiac; Madonna once said. It’s absolutely true. You will always attracted to something that you cannot have. It makes life more interesting. It makes friendship and relationship more colorful.

We have high expectations in everything, inclusive of friendships or relationships; we have been customized to expect nothing less. Is definitely the way to go, or you will always end up disappointing yourself. You need to learn to accept things as it is, compromising can be something you will need to adjust. Nobody is that perfect anymore, perfection is over rated. I don’t think I can be those people who strive and hunger for perfection, I want to learn, I want to feel pain when is necessary. Isn’t pain that best lessons for human, for us to feel more humble to appreciate life more, less feeling superior isn’t all-bad at all.

This is just another station that I’m passing through, and it’s not the end of the world. I have more stops along my journey; it’s a matter of how I shall face them.

I remembered to say these to him: "Please don’t ever try to stop me from ‘loving’ you, because, sooner or later I will stop and moving on. But I will always ‘heart’ him in my own ways and I know he would too'' and I don't think it's a too much of a request. I don't feel pathetic at all. Because I know, my heart is genuine
He nodded and smiled at me. An agreement has been made. I just hope, there's no awkwardness from this moment onwards. I know I don't want to feel that weirdness when I'm around him

My dearest friend of mine, we will have many days to go, many more laughter and probably tears to share, many places for us to venture and travel together. I promised. We will get the chance to get to know each other more and more, we will see the good and evil side of ourselves , we will have some bumpy rides a long the way, but I know we can get through it all.
I pray for your happiness every seconds of my life, I truly hope that you will be successful someday.

When somehow, one day if you do fall in love, I hope you would fall in love with someone who truly deserves you. Because, it would be a complete fool for them for not to realize how fabulous you are.

XoXo

If I Told You That - Whitney Houston Feat George Michael

Chorus-
(If I told you that) I wanted to see you
(And if I told you that) I beg to please you
(If I told you that) I'll always keep you
What would you say (if I told you that)

-Verse 1-
Now tell me how you feel if I told
You that I have feelings for you
And would it be so wrong to say
What's on my mind
I'm sorry I have to
We were friends but with time
What I feel deep inside for you has changed
But I'd give up on love, if I thought
That it was untrue for you

-Chorus-
(If I told you that) I wanted to see you
(And if I told you that) I beg to please you
(If I told you that) I'll always keep you
What would you say (if I told you that)

Verse 2-
I know that we were just friends
But what if I decide to bring something in
I hope it won't offend the trust
We have 'cause I don't want this to end
If you think that we'll lose what we have
Then I'd just rather stay (rather stay) the same
(I'd rather stay the same)
Cause I don't wanna choose
Between two of the most precious things to me
(tell me)


-Chorus-
(If I told you that) I wanted to see you
(And if I told you that) I beg to please you
(If I told you that) I'll always keep you
What would you say (if I told you that)

-Bridge 1-
If we take this chance and extend
To each other romance
I hope it would be
The right thing for you and me


-Chorus-

(If I told you that) I wanted to see you
(And if I told you that) I beg to please you
(If I told you that) I'll always keep you
What would you say (if I told you that)


-Bridge 2-
Would you be there for me
Could you dare to hold me
Will my feelings leave me
Lonely if I told you