Rare Findings

I start writing diary..I mean blogging since I was young. The internet technology has made things easier everyone of us. Typing your blog, archiving them and keeping them for the rest of your life is very much possible. As I was sipping latte @ starbucks, I remembered about my 1st ever online blog called diaryland.com . That was my 1st online diary or blog site. I smiled to myself, amused at my own expenses. Looking at myself 6 years ago exactly, and how things has improved since.

I like to share you a few of my favourite entry from the my diaryland

2003-05-12 - 12:51 a.m.

My Best Friend, Don't Dream It's Over And Nothing Fails No More Fears

It was a very long sleep; it was the most restful sleep I ever had. While I was sleeping, I had the most beautiful dreams after 25 years. In my dream, I met a charming guy, a tall, masculine (a perfect blend) cute and almost completed my search of the ultimate guy. We met in the most unique way. I would always remember the first time when we talked; I definitely would remember the first time when he smiled at me. I can still remember how beautiful it was, the night was so calm and there's an air of loving aura surrounding us. We kissed and we hold each other tight and nothings can tear us apart. At one moment in my life, I feel what true love is. Is not about thinking that you had to know the persons well and become attracted to them, but it's an inner emotional feeling that tells you, he is the one and it's time for you to give and not expecting anything in return. I had hopes at last. I had hopes that there is love for me.

And when I woke up from the dream, and reality strikes me. It's a bit cruel and it's unfair. But when I looked back, I smiles. It's still the most exciting and melancholic experience. I was dreaming that I'm in love with Ad, my own best friend (we were some much in love, the world is ours for that moment). Platonic guy who I befriend with recently, in fact, we knew we liked each other more than a friend (or am I imagining things alone?) I never liked or in fact loved someone like I do to him (I still do) and I can feel that I wasn't the only one who does. But reality strike the both us, we know that wasn't right, this wasn't meant to be, it wont lead us no where. But why does my hearts say that he is the one, and no matter what the cause maybe, he still would be the best thing that ever happen to me. It wasn't a century old relationships that makes me feel that way, it was short and unconventional and it was really sweet. I guess it was a sign for me that, I should just love him like I should do, loving him as a friend. I wasnt't sad; I don't feel like I was betrayed. I wasn't expecting anything from him at all, because I know that he deserves to be with someone else who's much better than me. Again, it wasn't meant to be. But I am blessed that I knew him, and I'll cherish him as my friend, now and forever.

Somebody someone, I cant never hate you, coz u know how much I loved you. I thought one day I wasn't able to let you go, and losing you would be the scariest thing that I had to face! But how wrong I was, I'm letting all these go with an open heart and a smiles on my face and a thought on my head: You deserves only the best, and we were never meant to be as one. Thank you for once loving me with all your heart. Thank you for giving me the chance to love and to be loved by you. I'll cherished that too... I will always remember our first kiss that sweet romantic kiss. Your sweet laughter will echoes in me, the one that makes me realize what happiness is. The tears that we both cries will be significant in me, those tears of reality! That sweet and bitter reality.

I guess its time for me to move on with my life, and smell the coffee of life! What the hack! I still have lots of loving and caring friends; they never failed to make me special always. Is not the end of the world... I have dreams to catch and I have destiny to meet, is not going to be an easy ride. Nothing fails, no more fears, I'll washed away my tears! I climbed the tree of life and that is why, no longer scared if I fall. When I get lost in space, I can return to this place, cause I'm the one.

"SingleVille" I hope your still open for a vacant, cause I think I have to bunk in for the time being.

Life: The reality is, unhappiness is what we're living in. Don't blame anyone on your unhappiness, because it's actually a sign telling u that u should be blessed with all the small things, and never sweat all the small stuff. Just never ever loose hopes on happiness, because everyone deserves it, even if it's just meant for one second!

Oh ya! The best thing is :I will love again..and this time ..it will be better...

Boohoo...that's so mushy and very much sad...gosh..I cant believe I wrote these..Oh well..all in a day..:)

OK . Get ready for some seriously disgusted by my below pathetic effort of my sort called being romantic ..ahahahaha!

2003-02-14 - 11:30 p.m.

14 February 2003

My Funny Valentine

The clock strikes midnight, yes it's Valentine's Day. While I was waiting for the TV news to finished and for that last mushy happily ever after scene of Drew Barrymore's romantic epic Ever After: A Cinderalla Story to continue. I managed to kill some time to wished Aziz a Valentine greeting, I was seeking some good advice from my muse. Pressured by the fact that Bawie and me haven't make love yet (imagine it's almost 2 months) it's so not me! Procrastinating these great nature's gift to human (Lame!) and from Aziz's point of view, he said that it's ok for me to wait for awhile, it's ok for my fears of making the wrong decisions which might jeopardize this beautiful relationship that I have. If he truly loves me, he would be patient enough to wait for the right time to come and for the moment to indulge itself.

As promised, Bawie came and meet me tonight(we want to be among the 1st to celebrate this special occasion) He came right after I was sobbing with tears, as Prince Henry was kissing Danielle(Cinderalla) the funny thing was, he's been waiting outside the porch of my house for the past half an hour(he might be nervous for tonight as well) he look so adorable tonight, wearing baggy jeans and a baseball tee and red baseball cap(he looks like those rap boy band, which he quickly denied! He claimed himself as ardent hardcore music fans) I was wearing this very tight three quarter pants and tight black top, with hair all pony-tailed, kawaii-look(cute in Japanese) neutral make up (I'm into this LV chic look) and of course with my best companion, my brown hand bag!

He droves he's brothers car, we didn't talk much then, we just smile at each other and let those mushy2 music get into our system(Mix FM was playing all Valentine's Love songs collection) surprised, when Gabrielle's Out Of Reach songs came out, he slowly hold my right hand, and said, this song remind him of me, how cute!

My appetite wasn't that right tonight, so we decided to go a for a drink at those very corny romantic atmosphere kiosk at the Kuching, Waterfront.(U should have guess Aziz) there are so many cute couple holding hands and expressing intimacy(which I find it as an eye soaring and very unpleasing) we talk awhile, about what we have done the whole day, we joke and we laugh(no serious issues came out) the best thing is, Bawie always look straight to me every time we talk(I wander he was focusing on my eyes or my blemished-blessed skins!) it's near 2 am, he said he want to take me for a joy ride before he sent me home. We talked again about everything, it was a very healthy discussions, about all the possibilities that might occur in the future. Some of the stuff we talk was rather controversial but we both quickly cool it down, whenever the heat arise! He said he wanted to take me to this very special place, I was near choking when I knew the road we are heading, Santubong Beach? At 2.35am? Crazy! Yes it's crazy!

We reached the beach, at sharp 2.50am, the night was so perfect, there's full moon in the sky, a few stars flickers above, we walked and hold hands on the sandy beach (Yepp! no one have ever been that romantic to me!) Listening to the waves crashing on the beach, and the sea winds that blow gently on my skins. It's just so romantic. We sat on one of the rocks at the beach. Shyly: He asked my permission to hold me, I happily obliged. It was almost like those romantic movie scenes, as he took me slowly around his arm, the one hold that tells you that he never wanted to let you go for the rest of his life! We sat there, holding each other tight, no spoken words came out from our mouth. Everything was in slow-mo. It was really something for me. Everything was darn perfect! Everything was so memorable for me...

He sent me home at around 4 am, before I say good night to him, he turn to me and said to me "Would You Be My Valentine?" my heart just throb so fast, I'm sure it was about to burst, I slowly answered :Yes... We kissed, a kissed that is full of passions, full of high feelings that no drugs can substitute! Inikah Namanya Cinta? (Is This What They Called Love?)

Before I closed my eyes, my hp beeped, signaling I have an sms. It's from Bawie, the message was. Even thought we had our difficult moments before, that doesn't stop me from loving you, you're still no 1 in my heart, I will always love you and I'll missed u while u sleep. Yes, definitely he is the love of my life to be...

My Valentine turn out be very awesome indeed!

Ultimate love songs

Erykah Badu : Love Of My Life

Holy Molly!!..What was I thinking back then..!!

Sometimes, we look at our past and learnt from them. we the hope in us to have a better future ahead..There's always something to amuse us in every way ...